Prayers To Hell
by wandertogondor
Summary: It's Dean on the dirty mattress. It was his head on Azazel's chopping block. Julie wouldn't let her brother die...so she made a deal.


"Julie?" Bobby Singer burst into the ramshackle cabin; his eyes searched the dim light until he saw the young Winchester standing beside her brother's corpse, her back to him. "Julie…"

"I couldn't let him die, Bobby." She said in little less than a whisper, not even looking back because the feeling of her throat tightening was enough to want her to sink into a murky darkness. "I just couldn't. He's my brother."

The old hunter pulled her back to face him abruptly. "You stupid ass! What did you do?"

Julie looked away. She clenched her jaw, trying to keep a stony face because she liked to think that her actions were justifiable...she liked to think that bringing Dean back was the best for the both of them. He would be alive, and she wouldn't be lonely.

Her thoughts were broken when Bobby shoved her back. "What did you do?! You made a deal… For Dean, didn't you? How long did they give you?"

"Bobby," was her contrite explanation, hoping he'd understand her reasons but refusing to answer because saying it out loud would mean that she was selfish.

"How long?!"

Julie squared her shoulders and defiantly looked him in the eye. "One year."

"I could throttle you, girl!"

His forcefulness was enough for her tears to finally break through her solid pride. "I couldn't let him die, Bobby!" She screamed back as loud and as harsh as she could manage between her choking sobs. "I couldn't! He's my brother!"

"And how's your brother gonna feel when he knows you're going to hell?"

"You can't tell him." Julie swallowed the hard lump in her throat, begging him with every inch of her being in fear that he would. "You take a shot at me, whatever you got to do, but please don't tell him. I'm going to find that yellow-eyed son of a bitch and I'm going to kill him myself." A hopeful smile spread across her face. "I - It's like my life could mean something now."

"What?" Bobby snorted in disdain. "And it didn't before? Have you got that low of an opinion of yourself?"

Julie breathed in another ugly sob, stepping back from the man she loved like a father, because the tears in his eyes were enough for her to fully understand the error of her ways, which were entirely rightful in her mind. Bobby cupped his hand under her chin staring through his blurred vision at the woman who stood before him; her face was resolute and though her body shook, she was ready to face hell's fire so her little brother wouldn't have to. He nodded in understanding, unsure at first but realizing that there was no reset buttons to a book that never flipped back for a second read.

*****GoGetYourShovel*****

Julie sat beside the mattress, fixated on her brother's body. There was no reason for her to grieve but seeing him so still, so dirtied by the empty crusades of a dead man, so aged by the need to make things right...the thought alone made her chest hurt. "You know when we were little," She began. "you couldn't have been more than five, you started asking me questions. Like, how come we didn't have a mom? Why we always had to move around? Where'd dad go? When he'd take off for days at a time. I remember I begged you to quit asking, Dee, you don't want to know. I just wanted you to be a kid, just a little while longer. I was trying to protect you, keep you safe. Dad didn't even have to tell me, it was just always my responsibility. It was like I had one job. I had one job and I screwed it up. I blew it and for that I am sorry."

She smeared her hot tears across her skin with the back of her hand, aware of the pin-pricking sting. "I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. I let Sammy down. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too. How can I? How was I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do, Dean?"

She got to her feet and paused, sharply inhaling and clenching her jaw as if just to tell herself that she could be strong just a little longer. "What am I supposed to do? Dean."

He lay still on the mattress, still covered in blood and dirt.

Julie kicked the side of the bed as hard as she could. "WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!"

She didn't need an answer to know that she was alone now...she didn't need anyone telling her that she was living a nightmare. With a weak sob, drained of energy, she fell to her knees, hanging her head and watching as her tears stained her blue jeans and in a whisper she repeated, "What am I supposed to do?"

"You could stop screaming, sister."


End file.
